Beware of that dishonest little voice in your head that causes fear, anxiety, and anger, and stands in the way of you being truly happy and at peace.
The voice in our head can turn even the most harmless event in our lives into one that causes us stress. When an event is slightly bad, this voice amplifies it.
Take for example, someone was rude to you, and you felt bad at the moment. Instead of making a harmless deduction like saying, ‘Maybe this person was in a bad mood, and it has nothing to do with me’ this little voice in your head comes up with all sorts of narratives that are mostly false and prolong your suffering.
The voice would tell you things like ‘he was rude to you because you are poor’ or ‘he was rude to you because you are black’ or ‘he thinks very low of you,’ ‘you look stupid, that is why,’ ‘you didn’t get a college education.’ This tiny false voice in our head goes on and on until several minutes, hours, or even days later, you discover that you have been drowned in a pit of despair – suffering from your imagination.
This little voice in our head can even turn a beautiful event, such as being in love, into a stressful event.
I once heard someone say that love has three stages of despair: anxiety when you haven’t found it; when finally found, there is the fear of losing it; and when we lose it, depression sets in. Yet again, that is the level of damage the little voice in our head does to us.
Imagine something as pure and beautiful as love could happen to us, and the little voice in our head won’t even let us enjoy it. The voice forces us to view every situation from the perspective of anxiety at the expense of peace and bliss. Some people have suffered through events that could have been a perfect relationship because the voice in their head convinced them that ‘he must be cheating, why is he being so nice.’
As hopeless as it seems, the good news is you can banish these voices from your head because you own your body, and you alone can determine what thoughts you entertain or not. You must train your mind to only think happy thoughts. In the same way your brain is quick to come up with those negative assessments of a situation and cause you distress, your brain can avoid them and replace them with happy thoughts and cause you peace.
You have the ability to see the beauty in every situation. There is always a silver lining, and it is your job to find it and hold on to it.
DO THIS TODAY: Make Your Thoughts Serve You
You can take steps further and confront this little voice and counter whatever it tells you. This voice is not you; it is not always your friend, and you should be able to carry out selective listening. When the voice in your head tells you for instance that your mum abandoned you because you are no good, say to yourself ‘That’s not true, her leaving wasn’t about me. She might just have been scared because she was young.’ And just like that, you would have saved yourself the misery of living with the thought that it was your fault that you were abandoned.
Some people might say, ‘Isn’t that living in denial?,’ but I will tell you it is living in bliss. Maybe it would be considered denial if this little voice was known to tell the truth – but that voice in your head has been known to exaggerate or misrepresent details. Most of the thoughts that we attach to the events in our lives that cause us to suffer are mostly nonexistent and untrue.
So if it is not true, why do we insist on sacrificing our peace of mind on the altar of our imagination? Why do we suffer several times before any real bad happens to us?
I recall an event from my college days, I had argued with one of my closest friends. We didn’t talk for several weeks after that. I reached out once but I didn’t get a reply. During this time, the little voice in my head had convinced me that my friend had cut me off for good. And with each passing day, the voice got stronger – ‘She thinks she is better than me,’ ‘All along, she didn’t like me.’ ‘She was jealous of me,’ ‘She probably was just using me.’ All these random thoughts pierced deeply into my soul and made me hurt and bitter, and I suffered internally; I lost my peace.
Fast forward, almost a year later, I ran into this friend in a gathering and learned that she had been in mourning after losing her dad. She had also lost her phone and her contacts with it, and because she was grieving, she didn’t bother getting another phone for a while. She badly wanted to reach out, but she didn’t have my number. She was excited to see me. We spent several minutes catching up, and it hit me, ‘ little voice in my had lied to me’. All those sleepless nights thinking and passing judgment that my friend was despicable when she was, in fact, going through a trying time in her life. I felt horrible -my friend needed me, and I wasn’t there for her. If only I hadn’t listened to the voice in my head, I would I tried to reach out to her a few more times.
Talk about needless suffering all because of the little voice in our head. We all know this voice, and we must never give it a chance.
Since being on my happiness journey, I have made it a habit every day in my life to silence the negative little voice in my head. If a thought won’t serve my peace, I quickly switch to my preferred thought. I noticed more recently that that negative little voice in my head that brings about imagined troubles even in seemingly happy events is now quieter. It has gotten the memo. I can say for a fact that I am enjoying my life more these days. I am more at peace with myself, the world, and the people I share a wonderful life with. I allow events in my day-to-day to be just that – events without using my thoughts to paint them black. Occasionally even, I add some beautiful colors to it to suit me. It is the greatest feeling in the world and I wish it for you.
For instance, if someone bumped into me at the train station, it ends as that – ‘a bump’ and I acknowledge that that is part of life. There is no judging, bickering, and second-guessing myself and wondering if something is wrong with the world or with me or with life for someone to have the nerve to bump into me—none of that. I shut down that little voice. Those thoughts don’t change anything for the better; instead, they just wear me out emotionally.
Mo Gawdat, the author of ‘Solve for Happy’ in his book said that he had so immersed himself in the happiness model that when his son, who happens to also be his best friend, died, amid the grief he was grateful that such an amazing human came into the world through him and he got to enjoy him for 21 years. He was also grateful that he had lived a beautiful life and was loved far and wide.
Talk about see the positive in an extremely sad event. We can do the same for ourselves for as many times life deals us a bad hand.
You too can be at Peace
You too can be in a state of bliss even in a world with so much suffering. You must train your mind to see the beauty in every event. Don’t be that man cursing frantically after the wind because it snatched your daily paper. Instead, be that little boy skating happily down the hill, hands in the air, smiling as that same wind flows through his hair and propels him down the hill. Same wind but different responses.
The gravity of the battle means nothing to those at peace
Mo Gawdat, Solve for Happy’
Remember: You must silence the little voice in your head. It is not your ally, and it is not real.
It sounds unbelievable but research reveals you can only think about one thing at a given time. When you think your brain is thinking about two things at the same time, it is really just your brain switching quickly between two thoughts. That said, if you prioritize positive thoughts, negative thoughts will eventually go away. This is how you become at peace.
