One secret to happiness I have discovered is simply focusing on what you can control and ignoring everything else. To be much happier, you can go a step further and focus on the things you can act on right now, rather than stressing about the future.
Think about it—the present is the only real thing we have and can make an impact on. The past? Well, it is gone, and unfortunately, technology doesn’t allow us to go back in time. The future? Well, it is totally non-existent except in our minds. Yes! Everything we are terrified about in our future, we created in our minds. Need I remind you, the future is not promised?
“I refuse to accept that it is normal to brood and hurt every time things don’t look favorable. There will be more seemingly unfavorable things lurking in my future simply by life’s design. How many days of my life do I have to sacrifice to hurt?”
Zeggy for RacingforBliss.com
So, when we obsess about the future, we are choosing to torment ourselves because, as I said, it doesn’t exist.
Anxiety happens in the mind- Rarely in reality
I will give an example. Let’s assume it is a beautiful Sunday afternoon when you suddenly remember that there is an important office report you should have sent on Friday, but you forgot to send it.
Now, you are in the middle of your 5-year-old’s birthday party. Everything looks really beautiful, and everyone is having so much fun—giggling, laughing, and jumping in the bouncing house castle.
You had planned this birthday for several weeks, and it came out perfectly. Your daughter is elated, and she has shown this with a few hugs, kisses, and multiple “I love you, Mum”s.
Amid this joy, that, by the way, you once prayed for—a loving marriage and a child whose laughter lights up your world—you remember this really important report that you should have sent on Friday.
Looking at the situation, you can’t go back to Friday, because of course, time travel isn’t within your control. The fact remains that the only thing you can do now is to set a reminder for Monday so that sending that report is the first thing you do when you arrive at the office.
Instead of returning to enjoying the beautiful birthday celebration and soaking in the moment, you are now apprehensive and have started playing out all the horrible scenarios in your mind of what Monday will be like when your boss realizes the report wasn’t sent.
You conjure all such terrible things that Monday holds—your boss’s disapproval, and worst-case, getting fired.
You have lost all your joy in the moment because of a moment that doesn’t exist yet. You fail to think that there is a huge chance that Monday could turn out entirely differently from how you have imagined. What if, on getting to work the next day, your boss didn’t even realize that the report wasn’t in his inbox?
Let’s even imagine the worst-case scenario, which is you getting fired because of the report. Could this be an opportunity for you to get a better job or even explore something else entirely career-wise? The possibilities for your future are endless, and believe you me, it could be positive too.
Always Focus on What You can Control
Focusing on what you can control and what you can act on now, in this case, recognizes that on this Sunday afternoon, there isn’t anything you could do except wait and deal with the situation on Monday, or if you are lucky, there are other alternatives you could act on.
If that is the case, why allow an unpleasant occurrence to steal from you repeatedly before your fears even come to pass? You can act and brainstorm calmly on possible solutions without being emotionally tortured and devoid of joy.
There comes a time in life when we really just need to surrender to the moment, cooperate without resistance, and watch how doors open up, and we glide through them. It has happened countless times in my life where I cooperated with a really terrifying moment in my life—like a bad breakup, losing my job, missing a bus, or falling ill.
I know some people, and even your own mind, will try to convince you that it is normal to worry and torment yourself with things that are yet to happen. But I tell you, that is the part of you that has become addicted to suffering, and the purpose of this article is to banish it entirely from our lives.
When events that have the potential to get us upset happen, always ask yourself, “What is the worst that can happen? And is it worth losing my peace today?” Do this and watch yourself attain many more happy days than usual.
It is really important to develop the mindset of focusing on the present and on things that you can control because the world is full of things to worry about—from the little to the life-threatening.
I once had a male friend who literally lost several nights of sleep because (wait for it) he started showing signs of becoming bald. In retrospect, it is hilarious, but then it was a huge deal. And he uttered “damn” each time he looked in the mirror.
He was handsome and rich, but the thought of being bald stole days of happiness from his life. It might interest you to know that baldness did finally catch up with him, and he now rocks a full-on skin cut which, if you ask me, gives him a pristine mature look.
It is okay to react, but don’t dwell on it. You can take action without resisting, complaining, losing sleep, or being bitter. Resisting causes pain in situations where you have no control because you get beaten again and again. When you don’t resist, the world opens up to you, and you see all the possibilities. In the case of my bald friend above, I hear hair transplant is now a thing.
Magic happens when you surrender to life
I remember I used to get really upset anytime my flight got delayed. I would beat myself up, complain, and feel hurt. I would tell myself, “I should be in my bed, but I am at the airport.” I would even take it a step further and call my family members and complain until my head hurt and managed to spoil their own day too. I would even maintain this countenance throughout the trip, until I got to my destination (especially if I arrived past midnight), almost as if I was expecting a medal for being upset the longest.
Then one day, I decided to tell myself, “Anger, not today.” I assessed and cooperated with the moment. As soon as it was announced that my connecting flight was going to be delayed, well, I muttered “damn” for a brief second, and then, for the next few minutes, I calmly spoke to customer service to explore earlier flights.
As soon as I realized that there was no option that could get me to my destination earlier, I opened myself up to all possibilities and just cooperated with the moment, and then the magic happened. I looked around, and I noticed for the first time how beautiful the airport looked. I walked around and used that opportunity to get in my steps for the day.
I went into the perfume shop and tested so many perfumes. I sprayed some testing cards and kept them in my bag to keep it smelling rich for a few days. I even got one of the sales attendants at the Frankfurt airport to teach me a little German. She was ecstatic.
When all this was done, I returned to my gate and opened an audiobook I had wanted to read for months. Before I knew it, I heard my airline attendant calling out for boarding to begin. Yeah, I hadn’t even realized that 3 hours had passed.
I had succeeded in living in a state of bliss during a moment that would have caused me so much stress in the past. And to be honest, it felt really good. I felt like I was up to something groundbreaking.
“You mean I don’t have to suffer every time things don’t go my way? Tell me more. And the answer is yes. You can live your days like this for the rest of your life and even teach your kids, your husband, and siblings that situations beyond our control should never be given permission to steal our joy.
The world is rich and vast enough to provide a new, more rewarding way of approaching situations. All you have to do is be open and relaxed and let go of the things you cannot control.
It is common for people to toss and turn on their beds every night worrying about what will happen tomorrow at the office with a scary boss or next semester with a scary professor, or next morning’s inclement weather when their reality is that they are sleeping on a soft, warm bed covered in a lush duvet, living in a well-furnished house they could only dream of years ago.
They have all these blessings, and all they can think of is one horrifying moment that lives in their head and nowhere else.
You can achieve bliss when you quit resisting. Life comes with challenges. It is our goal to treat it as what it is- a challenge that will pass in time. You can take action against it if it is within your control, but when it isn’t, then let it be. Then you begin to see the many other possibilities.
