In today’s digital world, self-love is the buzzword that’s lighting up our social media feeds. Tiktok, Instagram, and YouTube are flooded with people talking about how you can achieve self-love sometimes referred to as ‘living the soft life’. I am a bit curious about why it is prevalent among female content creators including myself. I would think that the concept of loving and prioritizing yourself would apply to both genders but I digress. I am guessing it is because Women in our nurturing nature are known to put the needs of others even before our own. So, it’s no surprise that the idea of self-love is hitting home for many of us ladies.
Self-love holds great significance. As social creatures, we are designed to both love and be loved. It’s undeniable that we can’t fully love others if we don’t love ourselves first. I align with the belief that “you can’t give what you don’t have.” This is why self-love plays a vital role in establishing healthier connections with people in every aspect of our lives.
What are the immediate steps I could take to love myself? How do I get started on the Self-Love journey and how do I know I am doing it right?
I have heard people say self-love is achieved ‘by treating yourself the way you will treat someone you love and care for’ – Go to the spa; visit a fancy restaurant; look in the mirror, and tell yourself ‘I love you’.
I tried all of that and more and I didn’t feel much differently let alone feel loved. Eating alone in a fancy restaurant was a boring experience for me. I happen to like sharing experiences with people.
If the above self-love tips work for some people, then that could certainly be one of the ways to feel love but I needed something more.
Another angle, a lot of social media self-love experts preach is the ‘healthy boundary’ route. For some people, self-love is about warding off people perceived as toxic. ‘Learn to say NO’ ,’Cut them off’, and the many tips on ‘Self-Preservation’. This, in my opinion, sounds somewhat emotionally consuming and comes across as likely to be interpreted as mean.
I don’t know much about setting boundaries with people, I don’t necessarily have toxic people in life per se. I guess I am just particularly lucky or perhaps I have warded off the toxic people in my life without even knowing. Who knows? Most of my friends are within my family. My family is large and we do care about each other. All I know is that I am quite satisfied with the people in my space and even the ones that are nearly toxic, I am able to manage in a way that doesn’t impact my peace. I believe everyone should absolutely protect their mental health at all costs and if setting boundaries, saying NO, and warding off toxic energy be it aggressively or otherwise works for you then so be it. You have my blessing! Perhaps, there is another kind of boundary that helps the self-love process. We will learn about that in a bit.
My Kind of Self-Love: And it Could be Yours too
More recently I came to a realization of what self-love means to me and could mean to a lot of people. Unlike the earlier recommendations above, I don’t believe self-love is a ‘one-size-fits all’ approach. We all feel loved in diverse ways that are unique to us. The goal is to feel like the best version of yourself and with that comes peace and calm. Attaining Self-Love should want to make you want to give off yourself because your love cup runneth over.
As you know, I am on a journey to living a peaceful and happy life. Call me a Peace Jedi of some sort, reason I have this blog ‘Racing to Bliss’. So I came up with the below formula. Easy as it may seem, it skipped me for the longest time and I assume it might have escaped some of you as well.
Now take this exercise with me:
Think about a time you did something that brought about an enormous feeling of self-loathing or guilt after the fact. Write it down.
Conversely, recall those times in your life when you just felt on top of the world because you were making strides in several areas of your life- be it at your or in your relationship? Write that down.
I reflected on some of the many times when I didn’t feel good about myself and the circumstances that led to the mindset and I did the same for the times when I felt best. The secret is to work towards eliminating from my life many of the things that brought about self-loathing and deciding to do more of the things that made me feel in love with myself.
I had cracked the code.
If this process includes setting boundaries then so be it. But do not let the process of setting the boundaries steal from your peace. I have seen people set boundaries and the result is more self-hate because now they have gotten involved in altercations and acquired more enemies. Focus on the goal of feeling more in love with yourself.
Part 2: Self-Love: The Best Way
